The time I tried to date and realised what a mess I am

Recently I tried the dating game –

-after coming out of a year and a half relationship. And before that year and a half relationship, I had been single for a week. After ending a year long relationship.

So as you’ve probably guessed already, I am a little out of touch when it comes to being single. But that did not prepare me for the mother of all blunders I made.

And, begin story.

I started off by downloading Tinder because, well, every single university student uses Tinder at one point in their academic career. And well, who knows? My brother and my best friend both found happy, long term relationships from the well known app. I mean yeah, an app which is predominantly used to exercise sexual freedom and mindless hookups maybe isn’t the best place to find love. But if it works for other people, then why can’t I give it a go?

So with very low expectations and a burning curiosity I went forth and created a profile. Very basic. About 3 photos and a quote from an offensive TV show I like. That’s all.

Fast forward a bit and I ‘meet’ this guy. He’s fairly charming but has no clear photos of what he looks like. He asks for my number. I shrug ‘why not’ and comply. Innocent enough. We start talking on the phone and I immediately fall in love with the accent which is from the South. (I have a weakness for southern accents). But he genuinely seems like a top guy, too. We get on well over the phone and I immediately start crushing a little bit. All is well. Then we meet up and God damn. He is beautiful.

I asked him to come to mine first to just chill as I’m extremely nervous and also I know my flat mates are both in. (Safety first, right?) My flatmate and best friend Chloe sees him and we immediately both shoot each other the ‘omg hotness’ look. If you’re a girl, you have done this. If you’re a guy then I’m not going to describe it for you because we need this look to remain secret.

Anyhow, me and this guy, Adam, are getting on really well. Few weeks in and we’re dating and all. He tells me he’s deleted Tinder (but reassures me I don’t have to do the same). At this point I’m almost smitten. Our personalities are great together, he’s constantly trying to make sure I’m comfortable. Only thing is – we haven’t even kissed yet.

So – fast forward a tiny bit and I’m round his. The environment is so chill. Anyone who knows me knows I am an anxious, nervous wreck all the time. But I genuinely feel so comfortable around him. There’s music playing – I can’t remember what exactly, but nice music. All of a sudden he starts leaning in and the moment is so romantic too.

Then I ruin it. I freeze right as his lips are about to touch mine, look him dead in the eyes and just say ‘What?’

Truly. The word I said. But it doesn’t stop there. I then say, ‘I’m not a slut!’ (Why?)

He stares at me, explaining he was just going in for a kiss. I start rambling again about how I’m not a slut. (seriously)

I scream a little internally and it comes out in a weird noise. I suppose I can only describe the noise I made as a diluted  version of a dying meow.

All this time he’s just kind of staring, looking very confused, obviously completely taken aback by the mental fuckery occurring inside my mind.

And I’m just sat there, very quietly, after that ordeal with no explanation as to what just happened.

Luckily for me, he completely bypassed it, asked if he could try again and I was okay the second attempt.

I know people say that time is a healer but I do not trust myself after this and the incident has caused me PTSD.

The entire time the quote ‘I am become death, destroyer of worlds’ was repeating in my head, whilst accompanied by a the opening lines to the Sound of Silence by Simon and Garfunkel.

But hey, what’s more endearing than spontaneous romantic moments?


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